How to Achieve True Joy in Life
How I have found it possible to cultivate peace and well-being during the hard times.
If you’re reading this in the year 2021, chances are that the prospect of finding an ever-present sense of joy seems almost laughable to you.
Many of us — especially in March through June of 2020 — were constantly stressed, anxious, sad, mad, confused, and somewhat depressed as we stumbled our way through the early months of COVID. We have all heard the old adage that frowning requires more energy than smiling. I can say with complete confidence that smiling was not an often occurrence in the early days of the pandemic. I wish I could say that exercising my face more is the reason I feel so drained after the last 18 months.
I — like many of us I’m sure — had hoped that by September of 2021, we wouldn’t have as much worrying to do about politics, COVID, and the world. Boy, do I feel bamboozled.
However, one thing that I am extremely grateful to have learned through the recently awful times is that the world will never become easier so that you can finally be happy.
Only YOU contain the keys to that kingdom.
This is a lesson that I was slowly learning in the year prior to the pandemic, but I don’t think I had adequate practice until 2020. As I have continued to learn how to find true joy, I have come to a lot of my own conclusions about the search for this elusive life quality. I would like to offer up some of my own advice to those of you who may feel stuck in the quicksand portion of your journey to joy.
I believe this advice can help many people overcome daily negativity and stress on every level. Anyone who is successful in applying these tips to extremely serious situations in life, such as overcoming poverty, fighting against domestic violence, or overcoming an addiction is an amazing human. I am praying for you, if you are reading this.
Here are the biggest lessons I’ve learned on how to be joyful and have found happiness in my own life, even during the bad days:
Happiness is circumstantial. Joy is ever-present.
On one of his podcast/YouTube episodes Fr. Mike Schmitz offers the wisdom that,
“Joy is the abiding and pervasive sense of wellbeing.”
He explains that in Christianity, the ultimate goal is to be as joyful as we can and rejoice in the gifts of each day. Searching for happiness will never result in a lasting outcome. He explains in the episode that the word “happiness” has the same root as the word “happenstance”. And yet, despite how fickle it is, many of us base our lives on the pursuit of happiness.
Like many Christian teachings, this applies to people of all religions (or lack thereof). For example, you might have the belief that you can only be happy when you get promotion or a raise at work. Not only are you setting yourself up for possible disappointment should this never occur, but you are also tying your entire outlook on life to a single event. Wouldn’t you rather start off being grateful for the job you already have and the salary you already make? Our goal instead should be to live our lives as joyfully as possible, no matter what our circumstances may be.
Joy is not something to be found. It is manifested from within.
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. If one only remembers to turn on the light.
Albus Dumbledore
I love this quote from Albus Dumbledore, because it reminds us that it’s up to us to cultivate something good out of a bad situation. How does that saying go, “you can’t control other people’s actions, only how you react to them"? This applies to pretty much any event in life.
These are the “glass half full” people. The more you train yourself to think positively by flipping on that light switch manually in your brain, the more automatic it will become. And then before you know it, it becomes a habit to “always look on the bright side”. It requires a LOT of mindfulness, self-awareness, and practice. However, it is so worth it to be able to live with less stress and anxiety, and more peace of mind.
Be aware of Toxic Positivity
I know this sounds extremely contradictory, especially after the previous tip. But as we all know, too much of a good thing can be bad. The same is true of positivity.
From an article on Very Well Mind:
“Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach to life. And while there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity instead rejects difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive façade”.
Toxic positivity is not the same as trying to have a more positive mindset and be more grateful with your life, trying to see things from a better view point.
Toxic positivity involves the suppression of negative emotions and feelings. It avoids conflict at all costs or finds excuses for abusive/negative behavior, either aimed at or received from others. People who are toxically positive might be people who never want you to express any sort of negative emotion or thought. While it’s important to stay away from people who bring on large amounts negativity and toxicity in your life, ignoring the hardships that other people are facing because you only allow “good vibes” is counter productive. This doesn’t make you a better person. It makes you a horrible friend, family member, or ally to someone facing hardship. Expressing to others that you recognize the hardships they are facing and that you are willing to provide them with your time and energy is one of the many positive ways to provide support to those in need.
Stop Being a Victim
“The more we see ourselves as victims who need to be saved, the more we’ll attract people offering to help. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it keep us depending on others and hence, stuck in the disempowering cycle of the victim mentality. Truly, once you save yourself the universe will somehow conspire to help you out. But the work must be ignited from within. A the very end, we are our own victim as well as our own savior… the rest are mere excuses.”
― Omar Cherif
This is the most important lesson I have learned in my entire life.
Human beings’ natural tendency is to play the victim card, and this is by far the worst thing to do when trying to live a joyful, empowered life. If you constantly believe you’ve been a victim of a person or event, your brain will believe it and then you will be a victim of everything. Many people in our society (this country especially) want to believe that have been wronged by some aspect of “the system”. That there is some perpetual unfairness that has plagued them. Newsflash: LIFE. IS NOT. FAIR. I am by no means saying that we shouldn’t try to make the systems that affect our lives and well being better. I think it’s every human being’s job to hold our government and various other governing systems accountable. We have the power to them elect into or remove them from office. But it doesn’t help your cause to complain about your circumstances if you aren’t going to take action.
As a Christian, I find it extremely helpful to repeat the Serenity prayer whenever I am feeling out of control or spiraling into a pit of self doubt.
“Lord, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”
The sooner you stop being a victim, the minute you empower yourself to better your life. You allow yourself to cultivate positivity from negative situations that are guaranteed to come your way.
Go outside, Move your body, Breathe, and Say a prayer
There are more and more scientific studies and evidence showing us the positive affects of exercise, sunlight, breathwork, meditation and/or prayer on our mental health. I am so proud of the progress we as a human race have made in recognizing the importance of mental and physical health, and how to the two are so interconnected. You don’t have to get fancy in order to implement any of these tips. Go for a walk, sit in silence, close your eyes and count your breaths for an entire minute (then two minutes, then five, then ten, etc.). One of the beauties of social media and the internet is that we can find so many ideas of how to better our lives and develop healthy habits. Just don’t spend too much time surfing the web :)
Final Thoughts
I once heard a quote, “Your brain is always eavesdropping on your self-talk.” How powerful is that statement? It will be hard at first, but try paying attention to the way you talk to yourself. Is it ridden with verbal abuse or self-pity? Always make an effort to be nice to yourself. After all, only you have the privilege of engaging with your own mind every second of the day. Why not make it an enjoyable experience?
Your journey to achieving joy in life doesn’t have to be a journey. You can literally start living a more positive, joyful life today just by counting your blessings. All you need is a fresh perspective, some self-awareness, and positive thinking.
Each new day is the opportunity to start living a better life. As my husband loves to say, any day is a good day as long as you wake up on the right side of the grass.
